Not all couples experience a rapid drop in their sex lives post marriage- or so I hear. I’m still waiting around to meet the couples that continue vigorous and enjoyable sex lives continually throughout their marriage- affairs don’t count!
Children have a huge effect on a couple’s sex life. I keep in mind a repetitive conversation my husband and I had throughout the many ensuing months after our daughter was born. Our dialogue would go as follows:
Husband: “So am I planning to get some (sex) tonight”?
Wife/Me: “Well if that line alone doesn’t get me in the sack, what will (heavy sarcasm)? Certainly not a massage, foot rubs, you cooking dinner, or you putting the baby to sleep…”
Husband: “OK, I get the point”.
The wife is left feeling resentful and the man feels insufficient because he isn’t getting a fair slice of the precious time his wife spends on the baby. Men and women modify after having a baby, therefore the relationship changes, and all too frequently the man wants the woman to continue her pre-baby self far too soon. Realistically, and obviously, women take longer than men to resume their pre-baby self. The issue occurs when the man desires too much too soon. The lady is taking care of a new being and someone (husband/partner) should be getting care of her or at minimum helping she takes care of herself.
If husbands are expecting their wives to quickly shut off their mother role once the kids are asleep, he’ll be disappointed. Give her time, on a weekend or during the day a while, to shut off the mother role- when she is not exhausted already. And don’t assume to get sex the first week or so of giving her more trips by herself- be patient and show her this is genuinely time she deserves, no strings attached. Even if you’re expecting for some sexual favors sometime down the road, you should still be sincere about helping her detach from the kids a little.