The lack of communication between husband and wife may be liable for the majority of divorces in the world. This happens all through the marriage but it is especially damaging during the first years. When you get two strangers, who aren’t even related into the same space, hour after hour and day after day, problems have to arise gradually. This is not the honeymoon any more, it is real life, and obviously until death do us part. I believe thirty years of marriage allows me to give you some tips and advice.
I remember our first years where a war zone and many times the word divorce were mentioned in arguments and discussions. After that things would cool down, make-out sex, a nice dinner and everything went back to normal, until the next time. The truth is that it takes patience o both sides to develop a marriage relationship. Waking up with a person by your side, sharing problems and everyday situations is not the same as living separately and only showing and looking at the other person’s good side. Marriage is a dedication for life; it is a partnership with someone you love.
Learning to talk to the wife takes a little time, some savvy and most of all patience. It is true that you come home from work, tired and with problems on your mind and you do not really want to hear about more problems. But she has her own problems; she is also tired, whether she works or not, so takes a long breath and listens to what she has to say. Don’t just sit there, really listen, ask questions, comment on what she says, and let her know that you really care about her worries and problems. If you just pretend to listen she will ramble on for hours so pay attention. Before she begins, ask her gently to please make the story short, my wife for example, always starts with a release that may last for a long time.
If there is a decision to be made about what she is saying, discuss it and take the decision, if you don’t she will only come back later and start the story once again. If it is just something that happens she wants to talk about, listen, opinion and make sure to finish your comment with a phrase or phrase that will indicate to her that the point is over. If it is something related to your children, never tell her to take care of it, they are your children too and it is your duty to help her raise them. Discuss what happened, agree on what you both want to do about it and talk to your child. Avoid mentioning that she complained about this or that, it will make her look like a rat to your kid and child care is not a competition on who is softer or easier.
Money situations can be the toughest particularly if you are the only one bringing in the bread. You have to understand and accept the fact that prices always go up, never down, and that she has needs as well as you do, I am sure that when you go out with your friends for a beer or to watch a game you do not sit there considering if you can afford another beer. Remember, the money you are making is not only yours, it belongs to the family. When you got married you promised to support her that means all the way, not as far as you want to go. Be patient and knowing, if you are about to go up in smoke because of her request, keep quiet and think about the money you spend whenever you want in anything you want. If the money she needs is within reason but you do not have it, tell her this, and tell her when you will have it so she can make her own plans. And by God, do not let her ask again, when you have it, weep silently and hand it over.
She is your partner in marriage; harmony in the home depends on both of you studying about each other day to day. True, it may take some time and some doing too, while it happens the bullets will fly all around, but it is very significant never to stop trying. Recall you picked her out of millions, and she also gave you the honor of recognizing you for life, in the good and the bad. And above all, never ever bad mouth her, insult or offend her, bite your tongue before you say something that will hurt her emotions and pride, it is not true that words are taken by the wind or that time cures everything. Every cut, every insult, every yell leaves a scar.