Most people are interested in some sort of relationship. However, the majority of them don’t work. Why? Broken relationships is a cause for main stress and in some cases a cause for major financial loss. There are many reasons for this world trend, which seems to be increasing rather than reducing.
These are my reasons:
1-Different Human Needs: According to Tonny Robbins, we humans have 6 needs: 1.Certainty 2.Uncertainty/Variety 3.Significance 4.Love/Connection 5.Growth-6- Contribution. If a person wants a relationship out of a range need, and the other person wants it out of love/connection, this relationship is destined to be short lived.
2-Wrong Communications: According to Richard Bandler, people have 4 main types of personalities: visual, tonal, Auditory Digital (thinker), & Kinesthetic. People connect according to their mode of personality. A visual person would use words that are not quite understood by a tonal person. Example: a visual partner would explain to the other partner that they should “See” the point. The other tonal partner, would like to “Hear” about that point, so as he/she can determine if it “Sounds” right. Partners when trying to have a dialogue with each other may have a communication problem because they do not understand each other well. Virginia Satir was an expert in family therapy, mainly because she was successful in removing those interaction challenges and teaching couples how to use certain words for different celebrities.
3- Different Personalities: men & women think and behave diversely which is a result of their different personalities. Dr. Clare Graves has classified human personality according to the values level. Usually women are more value 6 level which is peaceful and more sociable while men can be level 3 or 4 or 5. Usually level 6 women are drawn to level 3 men who are macho and more self-oriented. Level 5 women who are separate and business-oriented may not feel comfortable with level 3 men. There are other differences in celebrities such as selfish, arrogant,… etc.
4-Different Education Level: profitable interaction needs common factors and sources. When the partners talk to each other, and they don’t have common points or references, the debate would turn negatively. A psychological/mental barrier would result, and slowly the two partners would realize that they are different. They have different minds.
5-Different Common Interests: Love is in the heart, not the brain. Sharing and having similar things would strengthen the emotions coming from the heart. Common interests activate the parallels in emotions which means positive mutual feelings will be created, that finally can lead to love and long time relationships.
6-Sexual Unhappiness: Whether in marriage or outside it, sex remains a very important reason for relationships. Poor sex is for both men & women, but more women are not getting sexual fulfillment, for many reasons. Research shows that men are more while making love satisfied than women. Many women even do not reach orgasm, and in some countries the numbers are very high. According to Elisabeth LIoyd, in her book “The Case of the Female Orgasm, 33 studies performed during the past 80 years show that only 25% of women reach orgasm!
7-High Stress Level: If one of the partners is experiencing high stress because of past bad experience – usually in childhood- or what is called Severe Emotional Experience (SEE), and could not get rid of it, the relationship may fail, even if the other partner is supportive or helpful.
8-Changes in Energy: The energy of both men and women is changing quickly. The man’s energy which used to be masculine is becoming more feminine, and the woman’s energy which used to be feminine, is getting more masculine. Current life styles are behind this energy imbalances. It is interesting to realize that the same factors that make men more elegant are the same that make women more macho.