While motherhood, career, friendships, and social groups can be rewarding, there is still a void that these cannot fill. After a divorce, even if you wanted it, single moms can go through a melancholy. You can feel ugly and excess. It’s so easy to cut yourself off from everyone else and continue to sink into a hole of depression.
You need the focus and love that comes with dating. Some may view a simple hand holding as silly or trivial but for a single mom it can make her stressful day suddenly calm. The company of the opposite sex to enjoy dinner or movie with can sooth a cluttered mind. The butterflies and giddiness when getting to know someone new can surpass the heartbreak brought on by a painful divorce. I’m not condoning dating easily after divorce because you certainly need time to begin to heal and stabilize before dating. Once time has passed and you’re back on your feet, then dating can be a stepping stone in moving forward with your life.
You did it! You found a new man and have made a date. Make sure you have a well trusted babysitter lined up. You do not need to be worried the whole time about what is going on at home. Think about where you’re going and dress correctly. You don’t want to wear a cocktail dress to a movie theater nor do you want to wear flip flops to an opera. You don’t have to dress to impress your date but rather dress for your own comfort. You don’t need to be stressed about what others are saying about your appearance. So be prepared and know how to dress. Once you are there, relax.
Don’t over think what to say or how to act. It’s only natural to be nervous but be yourself. Again, remember that you are not trying to hook this fellow long term but you are out to enjoy yourself. If you are relaxed with oneself then chances are he will be relaxed with you as well. Be confident but not egotistic. Know that you are beautiful, fun and he’s lucky to have landed a date but also be respectful and appreciative of his time and company. Try not to take calls or texts unless it’s an emergency. As a single mom, we must always have our phones handy but if possible limit phone checks to restroom breaks. Extreme phone use is rude and disrespectful not to mention a big turn off for most men.
The Follow up
Once you’ve made it through the first date the anxious, awaiting an after call hits. You will be watching your phone for calls, texts or any kind of conversation. You need affirmation that you did everything right. Wait it out. Don’t call or text him, let him be the first to connect. Most men are instilled with the trait of wanting what they can’t have. Don’t play hard to get but don’t be overly zealous. They will appreciate a little challenge and most enjoy being in charge of the relationship to follow. If he doesn’t contact you right away, you will start to doubt yourself and feel sad and rejected.
DON’T! Just because he didn’t connect with you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means that there is someone else waiting to meet you. If there is a network made and dates to follow, I would inspire you to take it slowly. I don’t mean in a physical way. To reach her own judgment and comfort level in that respect. I mean to take things slowly as far as letting your guard down and trusting him with your heart and more importantly in trusting him to meet your kids. I do want you to grow in your relationship but make sure he feels the same as you before jumping in. Recall, you’ve been through this before and so have your kids. Continue with caution. Good luck and enjoy your dating.