The objective of How to Live a Good Life after Breakups is to convince you that breakups are not only an ending; they are also a new beginning. Instead of feeling like an amazing failure the best thing you can do for yourself is to ask yourself three simple questions:

1. What went wrong?

2. What did I learn?

3. What will I do differently next time?

What went wrong?

Most of the time, if you are honest with yourself, things happened along the way to give you a clue that your relationship was starting to topple. Maybe he started calling you less often. Maybe she started telling you she couldn’t get together because she had to wash her hair. This is the way that members of the opposite sex let you know that they are ready to move on. Ignore these signs at your peril!

Look back and see when things started to change. Did you have some conflicts that were not resolved? Did you make demands that met with opposition from your partner? When did you feel the connection start to fade?

What did I learn?

Make sure that the pain of the breakup counts for something. Use it to learn. People are great mirrors. They teach us a lot about ourselves if we let them. They show us what we really value. If someone cheats on you, and you are upset and hurt by this, you learn how much you value loyalty and fidelity. If someone lies to you, or deceives you, you learn how much you value honesty. Use what happened to know you better and make wiser choices in the future.

What will I do differently next time?

After you have spent some time figuring out all that you learned from this experience use that learning to do things diversely in the future. Now that you have identified some things that you really value in a partner how can you figure out earlier in the next relationship whether this new person shares these values or not? How can you find out more about all the things the new person values, so that you can know who they really are sooner, and not spend a lot of time with someone whose values issue with your values?

Living a good life after a breakup is about using your life experience to grow. Instead of shutting down, being depressed, receiving from life, or making choices that will only make your life more unpleasant, use the breakup to learn more about yourself and make better choices next time.

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