How do you confirm that you marry the right person? During my college years, a good friend asked me a question. She just got married in her last year of Biology Studies, and her question was, “How do I know if I married Mr. Right?”

I noticed that there was a large guy coming by, sitting next to her at the end of the lecture so I replied, “It depends. Is that your husband?” Yes, how could you tell? She said.

Each relationship has its cycle. Once you begin falling in love, you estimate their phone call, want to feel their touch, and like all there is to like about him.

The falling in love part with your other half is not difficult. In fact, it is quite a spontaneous experience. You do not have to make a big effort. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love - because it’s happening to you, without initiating too much.

People in love sometimes say, “I am swept off my feet.” Think about that saying. It suggests that you were simply standing and doing nothing, and then something comes by and happens to you.

Falling in love is not hard. It’s a natural and passive part of your loving relationship.

But after several years of being married, the excitement of being in love normally fades away. This is described chemically in our brain as the Dophamin, the love hormone, decreases within the years of loving the same person. If passion was high at first, now company takes a higher role in the relationship. It’s the natural cycle of a relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls may become a bother, touch is not always accepted nicely, and your spouse’s blemishes, instead of being cute as before, may become annoying.

The signs of this stage are variable in every relationship, but when think about marriage, you will notice a amazing difference between the initial part when you were falling in love and a much different following stage of the marriage.

At this point, you and your better half may start wondering if this is Mr/ Mrs Right. Recalling the euphoria clouds of falling in love you shared, you may begin to desire the same experience with someone new. At this point marriages suffer from breakdown. People blame their spouse for not being happy and look elsewhere. Getting outside satisfaction come in many shapes and forms. Mistrust is the most known. But sometimes people make more time for work, going to church, their activity, friends, more TV and even drugs. However, your answer to this conflict does not exist outside your marriage. It comes within it.

You could be married and still fall in love with someone else. And for a certain time you’d feel good. But you will end up in the same place a few years later. This is because SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE IS NOT ABOUT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S ABOUT LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU ALREADY FOUND.

Keeping the love is not a passive act. It will never simply happen to you. You can’t “find” a never-ending kind of love. You have to “make” it last, to keep the fire burning.” Marriage and long-term relationships take time as well as effort. And most essentially, be wise about it. You should know what is needed in your marriage in order to make it work.

Love is no mystery novel. There are specific things you can do to make your marriage work.

Just as there are physical laws such as gravity, there are certain rules for a relationship. Having specific habits in the relationship can make your marriage stronger. One can be having excellent time, just the two of you, once a week at least. If you know and apply the habits that work for you both, the results are foreseeable - you can “make” love work in your favor.