You’re seated there numb. You’re most likely still reeling from the expertise. The only idea going through your mind is this: we broke up; where do I go from here?

Separations are never fun. Even in common circumstances where the relationship has just fizzled on all sides separations are harmful. When one party had no idea it was coming the encounter can be gut wrenching to put it mildly.

The initial thing you need to do is recognize that there actually isn’t a bad guy here. It may seem challenging at the moment because you’re harming, you’re upset, and you’re not serious in being empathetic at all.

The thing is that if you put on your own in your partner’s shoes you’ll find that he or she is hurting too. Usually there would have been no need to end the connection.

Here’s the silver lining though. This is your opportunity to make things right for both of you. You can go from “we broke up” to “that split up was the best thing to ever happen to our romantic relationship” if you’re prepared to do a lot of work and a small soul seeking. Neither will be easy but the rewards can be awesome.

So, what should you do now to make things right?

1) Find out where factors started going south. There’s generally one point in the relationship where the other party began to take out. This is not generally the last battle but a fight or conflict that happened some time ago. Find out where the pain began.

2) Fix the issue. Whatever it is and no issue how challenging it may be fixing the problem so that it will certainly not hurt your ex again. Yes you’re going through your own share of pain now but if you can fix the problem then your pain will be significantly eased.

3) Make changes. Acknowledge what went wrong, say sorry to your ex, and let your ex know what you’ve done to try to make things right. Give your ex a little time to digest this details and ask your ex to take a baby step in the right route with you. Go out for coffee or dessert a while and see if a new beginning can be born from the ashes of “we broke up.” Are you prepared to take your ex as is or are you going to expect changes there as well? Interactions are a series of compromises. You’ll have to compromise some of your ideals in order to make factors perform. Should you be the only one to make adjustments? In an ideal world, no. But, if you aren’t going to be able to live with your ex without having changes on his or her part it’s a good idea to talk those over before you even think about getting back together or you consider facing life without your ex in it.